Sometimes life throws us a curveball. Something that seems out of reach, difficult. It is part of life.
We can encounter experiences in life, even emotions, that put other emotions into play.
In our brain, we have patterns of belief systems, wired together. So when one though or emotion is triggered, so is our whole belief system. And we live within that pattern for as long as we do not challenge it.
Let me be more personal. I have never thrived in status quo. I have seen myself as a rather calm and patient person, as long as I am allowed to have my dreams and goals to stretch for. The dreams could be years ahead, but they have been my drive, my force of nature, my reason to endure a lot of things.
Since I got sick a few years ago, I have had the need to slow down. I get tired easily, I need lots of sleep to be able to function, and I have made few goals for myself. Now I feel the aftermath of that grief, the grief of not being the same me as I have always been, the one who loves to experience things, the one who lives to have these longtime goals, to learn, to grow. Suddenly I am filled with an emptiness. Because, if I do not have my dreams, if status quo is all there is, can I feel happy that way?
There is no answer to that. Not now. There is always a balance between having wonderful dreams and appreciating the little things in life, to cherish the small things to be grateful for. And, the only way to find my path now, and to be grateful, is to be mindful.
My meditation practice has suffered lately. This is a sign that need to make that priority again. I know all the benefits of it, the list is long. And, even though, it is a familiar practice, it can also be challenging to commence. Mindfulness meditation is like any other thing that needs to be practiced; if it is neglected for a while, it is like starting anew.
Many experience discomfort, even anxiety when starting a practice, mostly because when being still, the thoughts overwhelm us. Do not worry, the initial phase will pass, and the thoughts will slow down.
Today I have have started, perhaps you will follow me today.
Choose to sit of lie, intently, for a few minutes. See if you can focus to breathe into the chest and the belly. Really fill it up. Let the breath stabilize itself. Perhaps you will experience that the breath slows down. Perhaps not the first time, but it most likely will. Let it. When the breath slows down, so will the thoughts.
Try, and I repeat myself, because you can not be successful in this all the time, but TRY. Try to find a bit of compassion for the emotions that you have and for the feelings that occur.
That is all you have to do for today. Find glimpses of compassion. And slowly you might be able to let go of judgement of your own self and your experiences. Just notice. Nothing else. Notice if something changes or stays the same with some compassion.
And then try again tomorrow.
Sending courage from here, courage to start on a journey:)