We do like to define each other. The world is easier for us to live in, if we can put others in categories or boxes. We need to know who we are dealing with. Thus, things are easier to understand.
As human beings, we are so multi-faceted. We consists of millions of years of instincts stored in our dna, in particular parts of our brain. We consists of millions of moments of micro-experiences that shapes our brain, how we think and act. It is a fascinating thought that our experiences can switch on or off certain dna we are born with – it means we can re-define ourselves, an intriguing thought:-)
We have layers and layers of emotions. I can still feel the numb feeling of the chock I felt when the police told me my baby brother was dead, and at the same time I can smile at a child`s laughter. I can analyze how my brain is reacting through the lizard brain and feel fear, and at the same time think to myself that there is nothing to fear. The emotion, though, is still just a raw and real.
So nothing about human beings fit into a category.
Still, we like to think we know something about the other.
I feel blessed when people decide to share stories about themselves, stories that others have not heard, stories they may be afraid to tell anyone else, stories that they want to alter the ending to. Even after knowing so much about someone, I try to remind myself, that I still only know bits and pieces of someone else. Because we are so much. So complex. I am. You are. We all are.
Still, we like to define others.
I wrote an article recently, in a newspaper, about what I know about small children`s need for attachment with their parents.
A lot of people did appreciate it. But I was amazed at comments from one person, who clearly dismissed my knowledge in the field, because I have blogged about fashion and skincare. It was clear to me that I fitted well into that person`s box of people who do not have a clue about anything else but a picture perfect life. Perhaps I am too blond, perhaps I am too childless, and perhaps I have the wrong pastimes to also be a person who is well educated and might have some valuable ideas and experiences around this topic?
You are free to dismiss my ideas. Just scroll past it. But should we be free to define people as we please?
If you read blogs or newspapers, it seems like we feel we are i our right not define others. When did we stop being afraid of hurting someone else? Is that a quality that is lost to us? Where are we heading, in this world where “nothing” is lost on us because we can read about people, we can put them in a category and we can throw out opinions after opinions.
I want it back. The common courtesy. It is truly underrated.
I have to admit that my husband and I can comment on things we watch on tv, sharing a sense of humor that none else will hear. I am not saying that I am any different. But, these are comment I would never let my kids hear, because they may not be able to understand the innocent tone in thee comments. They may not be able to see the true opinions we have one the topics, far beneath the humor. They may find that it is quite ok to comment on others, regardless. I am not a saint. But I try to look at life from different angles.
Have you ever stopped and listened to someone else`s stories, and been amazed at their debth? Have you ever discovered something about yourself when asking someone else a question? Have you ever clearly seen the reaction of others through the lens of their childhood experiences? Have your need for an apology fallen unnecessary because you so clearly have seen the pain in the other?
Have you ever stopped and listened to where your own opinions come from? Do they reflect a comment you forgot, a comment who came from a very important person in your childhood? Do they reflect your own feelings of not being good enough, and it is easier to defend yourself by belittling someone else?
You might be surprised:-)